I was walking with my youngest and her girlfriend and catching some rays and fresh air. It was a fun time, and I am always grateful that my girls don't 'shy' away from being seen with me even in their teen years, that means something, I think.
As we walked we overheard a mother screaming obscenities at her child and I couldn't help but grimace. She turned to me and said "Damn kids anyways. You know?"
I shook my head and looked sad. I couldn't agree.
Sarcasm and yelling cuts a child's soul in half. My daughter and friend were reflecting their horror in thier expression. They were feeling for that child. This kind of discipline accomplishes nothing positive.
Don't get me wrong, I have 'lost' my cool before but I learned early on not to call my child names or demean them, and have apologized for my voice level.
Attacking the issue not the child is good. For instance, "How stupid are you?" Takes the emphasis off the action and slams the child. Instead attack the action, "Of all the choices you had why did you choose this one?"
Make the lesson worth learning.
One thing I do is remind my children all choices have an end result and all things done wrong will eventually come to light, you never ever 'get away' with anything. Maybe for the moment, but it will float to the surface and then you will have to deal and by then it will be bigger.
Tonight I have my two girls and a friend each over. Their friends love staying here, the main reason I hear over and over is that it is peaceful here. It should be that way where ever that child is, but sadly it is not.
I never teach with anger, and I am urgent with my love, reminding them always that I am here and that they are the most important souls in my life. My husband and I want the very best for our children and occasionally that does mean letting them make mistakes. They need to make them now, so later they have some experiences to bounce off of and hopefully all is well.
I have kept detailed baby books for all three of my girls, they get them out often and read them to friends or to each other. I have always gotten a kick how they love these simple 'fill in the blanks' books. I now realize that they want to see that we want them in our lives. How many times have I had a mom say to me, "You want him? You can have him." But how often have you whispered in their ear, "I wouldn't trade having you in my life for anything."
I still say this to my teens.
I occassionally leave them notes and tell them how much they have made my life complete and how proud I am of them, for just being them. Pride doesn't take the honor roll, it takes watching and noting the little things. For instance, Ashli gets up and gets dressed without me waking her two or three times like her other sisters. Or that Kayleen gives her hamster fresh veggies once a day.
Those make a person real and they feel noticed, once you start you can find little bright moments in their lives on a regular basis.
Go ahead, give it a try.
Do this same thing with your neighbor's child, your grandchild, your niece, step children or your own children, no matter the age. It is a wonderful feeling for both parties and little things you say today have a big impact on their tomorrows.

I challenge you to give it a try and tell me all about it!!
I want to hear how you 'caught' the moment!