Dear Nicholas Sparks,

I will not fall under your devious spell again.

I have tripped up 4 times too many. You are not going to subject me to your horrors ever again.

Oh you have my two oldest wrapped up in your tale spinning and they cannot break free. They have fallen under your deception but never again will I be privy to your information, the pain and grief you have given me is still in my swollen red eyes even this morning, but I will hold out next time, you can count on it.

You see, your plan is to draw us in with sweet catchy titles and inspirations of true loves and soul mates. You give us the charms and delights and then like generations of fragile china you slam the cabinet to the floor and we watch in horror as it crumbles to dust.

I for one am not going to seek you out, I will turn my back when I see the cover of your DVD, I will close my eyes when your pages open before me and I will don my ipod if your audio tries to pull me in once again. Oh yes, I have tried all these genres and many different stories your sad brilliant mind has delighted in presenting to us in gift wrapped packages of intrigue, but never again.

My first introduction to your house of pain was a simple move made by my girlfriend, who I must have done something bad to her for her to engage me in a movie called, ‘A Walk to Remember.’ My flood gates opened wide and contrary to my girlfriend’s suggestion, Merlot did not dull that pain. I sobbed and hated her since she had suffered the consequences this movie inflicts upon ones soul before and yet she drew me in, and let me taste of its bitter-sweet demise.

Then I caught a movie ‘Message in a Bottle’ on television, I was unaware since the movie started with a cute little story. Had I known and understand that you were the creator, I could have been forewarned of the gale that was about to besot me, but no, me in my naïve ways sat on my couch, sobbing and cursing the screen.

I caught on for a few years, I steered clear of you, but the years dulled my senses and my sweet step daughter talked me into a cassette for my long trips to listen to as I rode. She had read your book and thought it brilliant and convinced me that I would be missing out on a "story of a life time" by not having met Jeremy Marsh, a New Yorker who falls in love and marries a southern gal. She exclaimed in some ways I could relate. Well, I listened to ‘Love at First Sight’, I was dragged in and enraptured. I loved Jeremy and his sweet belle Lexie, hour after hour I laughed and giggled until you caught me, ensnared me, and I was once again a pawn in your hand.

Mile after long mile, I bawled and sobbed and yes again rejoiced, but as I pulled in my drive I had aged by years and my emotions were in shreds. Little had I realized I was in a swamp, caught in a deeper pit than I realized, for I had prior promised to watch a movie with our oldest daughter. “Momma you will love it!” she promoted. Had I known, had I realized that your wicked name would be attached Mr. Sparks I would have told her to throw that movie away, but no, a promise is a promise and last night I wept and cried once again to 'The Notebook'; oh yes, you had your way with me for the last time.

No more!

I will refrain from you and will not fall prey to you once again.

Although I cannot see you, you already know what I know, that in my suitcase is another contraption of torture, one you whispered in my mother’s ear. You are evil Nicholas, but I am far too wise to your ways. I don’t care that my mom bought me an Easter present, I don’t care that ‘The Guardian’ was given to me in such a thoughtful way, because I know you Nicholas Sparks, Oh how I know you, and unfortunately, you do know me.

Sincerely,

Whispered Promises

I watched him from afar, never even thought he may have noticed. He was 2 grades ahead of me and quite popular.
The year prior, his locker was near mine and he would say hi to me and chuck me under my chin.
This year he was in my History class, I sat near him and made sure I had an extra pen and paper to give him if he needed it just to get to have him say something to me.
I loved that class because of him, I day dreamed of he and I all through it.

Near the end of the year we received our yearbooks and we exchanged them to get signatures. Most friends signed inside the front and back covers or around their pictures.

I left mine in History class one afternoon by accident, I went to retrieve it and it was gone, I was walking back to my locker when he caught up with me and handed me my yearbook. He explained he had seen I left it and had grabbed it for me. He smiled softly at me and in that moment I wondered if I had a chance, but a girl from his grade came up and stepped between me and him as if I wasn't there and so I left to walk to my bus.
I continued to exchange my yearbook for a few days after that, reading around pictures and inside covers.

It wasn't until years later when my oldest was looking through my yearbooks that she said, "Hey mommy, who is Duane?" I said I wasn't friends with a Duane but knew a couple of them in school. She went on to say, "He signed your yearbook." I slid it from her and sure enough, way in the back, on the pages that held advertisements Duane had left me a message.

To a sweet girl that is a real nut.
Here's to you, good luck in everything that you do.
Stay as you are and you will likely go far!!
Maybe we can go out sometime!
Take care!
"Love Ya"
Duane

Where ever you are Duane, I missed your message, but I truly hope your life is good, and thanks for that invite, Lord knows I would have took you up on it had I known.

I was walking with my youngest and her girlfriend and catching some rays and fresh air. It was a fun time, and I am always grateful that my girls don't 'shy' away from being seen with me even in their teen years, that means something, I think.
As we walked we overheard a mother screaming obscenities at her child and I couldn't help but grimace. She turned to me and said "Damn kids anyways. You know?"
I shook my head and looked sad. I couldn't agree.
Sarcasm and yelling cuts a child's soul in half. My daughter and friend were reflecting their horror in thier expression. They were feeling for that child. This kind of discipline accomplishes nothing positive.
Don't get me wrong, I have 'lost' my cool before but I learned early on not to call my child names or demean them, and have apologized for my voice level.
Attacking the issue not the child is good. For instance, "How stupid are you?" Takes the emphasis off the action and slams the child. Instead attack the action, "Of all the choices you had why did you choose this one?"
Make the lesson worth learning.
One thing I do is remind my children all choices have an end result and all things done wrong will eventually come to light, you never ever 'get away' with anything. Maybe for the moment, but it will float to the surface and then you will have to deal and by then it will be bigger.
Tonight I have my two girls and a friend each over. Their friends love staying here, the main reason I hear over and over is that it is peaceful here. It should be that way where ever that child is, but sadly it is not.
I never teach with anger, and I am urgent with my love, reminding them always that I am here and that they are the most important souls in my life. My husband and I want the very best for our children and occasionally that does mean letting them make mistakes. They need to make them now, so later they have some experiences to bounce off of and hopefully all is well.
I have kept detailed baby books for all three of my girls, they get them out often and read them to friends or to each other. I have always gotten a kick how they love these simple 'fill in the blanks' books. I now realize that they want to see that we want them in our lives. How many times have I had a mom say to me, "You want him? You can have him." But how often have you whispered in their ear, "I wouldn't trade having you in my life for anything."
I still say this to my teens.
I occassionally leave them notes and tell them how much they have made my life complete and how proud I am of them, for just being them. Pride doesn't take the honor roll, it takes watching and noting the little things. For instance, Ashli gets up and gets dressed without me waking her two or three times like her other sisters. Or that Kayleen gives her hamster fresh veggies once a day.
Those make a person real and they feel noticed, once you start you can find little bright moments in their lives on a regular basis.
Go ahead, give it a try.
Do this same thing with your neighbor's child, your grandchild, your niece, step children or your own children, no matter the age. It is a wonderful feeling for both parties and little things you say today have a big impact on their tomorrows.

I challenge you to give it a try and tell me all about it!!
I want to hear how you 'caught' the moment!

My girlfriend laughs at the way I talk to my dog, this is not the first time people have found humor in how Lacey and I converse. My family talks about it in a offhand way, will even ask me to 'ask Lacey'.
I never thought about it much, but I suppose it is unusual. Matthew and I don't treat her as a person, we recognize that she is a dog, A pack animal that we took into our home to share our lives.

We jokingly have a plaque I painted that says "We do not own Lacey, She owns us." But I am afraid the joke is on us.

Lacey acts differently with my husband and with myself.
Although I disappear for two weeks in Lacey's life, I am home throughout the two weeks and Lacey is with me the whole time. We talk. We share snacks, and we lounge together and since the computer is on our bedroom, Lacey lays right beside me and gives her opinion to much of what I do.

Because of our schedules we seldom have company, but Lacey believes we invite 'people' for her entertainment. I would correct her but I am afraid she is so happy and delighted to share them with me, that I fail to tell her the truth.

Lacey knows even before I voice it when I am going to take her for a walk. This is quite surprising for me since our walks are random due to our schedules and she has a large fenced-in back yard in which to play.
I think it, and before I even slip into my sneakers, she is at the closet waiting for her leash. It shocks me every time.

Lacey is highly expressive and since she was very, very, annoyingly verbal, even as a pup, the two and a half years has brought it down to a series of 'lower conversations' where Lacey lets me know what she needs or is thinking in soft doggie noises. Sometimes she relates by stares from me to the water bowl or up at the 'snack' cupboard.
She also nudges me for more urgent needs, like the back door to be opened or a good back scratch.

But Lacey still barks hard and loud, for me to come see and let her know if I need to check on things. We have a large glass storm door that is opened more since winter has passed and Lacey keeps track of things for me.

Lacey: Woof!! Bark!! Bark!!
Me: It's Tilly baby, she lives next door. Remember? *waves to Tilly* Let's try and not bark at her tomorrow, okay?

Lacey: BARK! BARK!
Me: *from the kitchen* I know Lacey. *Lacey walks into the room and sits as I explain to her* That cat walks by just to let you know his kingdom is larger doesn't he? But don't worry, a larger kingdom means bigger worries. Your world is better.

Lacey: Ark! Arf! *turns into loud frenzied barking* Woof!WOOF!WOOF!
Me: *runs to door to watch a plastic bag float by on the wind* Well Lacey, thanks for keeping us safe, but that is just a bag. I know *pat her on the head* baby, it was all new to you.

Its all good.
That reminds me.
Matthew is getting a big screen TV soon, a 73 inch. We went to Best Buy to check it out again before he decides when the purchase will be made.

Matthew: This has the H-D that we are looking for and will look great with the Blue Ray.
Me: Yep Babe, thats why we purchased the Play station 3 player for Christmas.

Matthew: I hope it looks good in the room.
Me: Thats why we measured the room every day honey and since the room is oblong we sit far enough away we loose no viewing images.

Matthew: Oh look!! They put on Football!!
Me: We have a while before season starts love.

Oh well,
Maybe we treat her human after all.

But then Lacey is happy, Matthew is happy and I am happy.

I have been helping my mother-in-law deal this week.
For her sake I won't go into great detail but I will tell you that one of her dearest friends, who was close to her for the last 8 years, has stopped talking to her for 4 weeks now and won't answer the phone when she calls and when mom finally had the opportunity to talk to her husband, he said Mom would need to take it up with her. Mom explained she has called and tried visiting 3 times now to no avail.

Ah Mom.
The whole situation is very sad. My 82 year old Mom-in-law is a very loving lady with a very, very kind heart, which is having its own physical glitches of late and does not need this stress upon it. She has NO idea why Jane has stopped talking to her completely and won't even discuss it with her. I can't imagine mom doing or saying something to have this cause and Mom is hurt, big time.

Oh no worries, I have said everything I know to soothe the pain. Family members have tried to talk to Jane to gain some perspective to no avail. But really, I can't imagine hurting Mom like this for anything.

Especially since Mom has been there for Jane as no one else can.
Mom really took Jane under wing after her mother died. Mom stepped in and let Jane talk to her for hours. She has always been available to listen and take Jane out for lunch to let her have some respite from her daily routine, which can be burdensome. Jane and her husband don't have a lot of spending money and Mom has taken Jane places and done things that she normally wouldn't have been able to do. She has delighted in making special purchases for holidays for Jane and her family and never held back her love and respect for Jane. In other words Mom has adored her as her very own.

Then, like a bad accident, it ended.

This has been the focus of all mom's thoughts this last week and today Mom called and said she thinks it may have to do with something she did with someone else instead of Jane. What!?

If that is the reason, then it is absurd and is being produced by envy.

Envy is a parasite that will creep in and curl its ugliness around one's heart and poison it.
It will rob you of happiness, of finding pleasure, of joy and of a sweet lady who has given more than she has received.