I remember I thought I was in love with a boy. One of my very first boyfriends, and I remember asking mom how she knew she was in love and she said, "I don't know, you just know."
So with that, I wrapped love all in one feeling that I was waiting to happen. Love should not be that blind.
Love is a great feeling, don't get me wrong, but I believe that you need to know what it is you want and need in a mate. It should have some intelligent pickings into it. What are your goals? Are your ideals similar? Do you both want the same in your future?
We do wrap love into a sack.
Why are shows like "sex in the city" and "desperate housewives" so popular?
I believe it is because people don't want to work on relationships and want to try and escape the emotional ties to love and sex and relationships.
All this because we have divided ‘sexy sex’ as bad, and marital sex as dull and boring. This leaves us peeking into the media sexual windows.
I believe sex is a personal and sexy thing, but it should not be an initial goal, because then you are muddling the connection of sexual feelings without personal discovery.
My advice is to slow down, when you find that person, sex is a great gift to give one another. I don't believe in the bunk that you need to 'test the waters'. Sex has diminished itself; it's an inter-spiritual journey of shared love and should be intimate between two people combining into one. Anyone who says it isn't, has played it down.
I have heard people say that they gave up the lusty sexual love for a greater and lasting love, by choosing a mate that may not turn them on fire, but they know will be there always. Wow, you just have to be so thrilled to get that engagement!
I believe in a healthy sexual relationship. Media has made only the young and/or visually sexy people have great sex. Oh so not true! It is imperative to turn your partner on, there is nothing more personal than a hot steamy night. I am not a kiss and tell but I know how to make my man beg for mercy and for more. I am no run way model but I can guarantee that my man is not lacking and he does the same for me. He makes me sweat behind my knees, and we are talking for years now, and will continue to do so.
I guess this post has twisted a bit from where I was originally going, but I want people to know that choosing your mate based on a feeling and expecting it to last through out does not work. Many of those types of relationships end up leaving you wondering when you fell out of love, when in reality you never moved past Eros.
A Good Love is not blind; you don't just fall in love with someone who is not good for you. You act upon a feeling, and then you pursue the wrong choice based on your racing pulse. When it fizzles you may find that you no longer want to put effort into a corrupted relationship that was wrong for you in the first place.
Stop living blind, write down what you want in a relationship and seek that. It won't be perfect, but from my perspective, it can be darn near it.

Whit, on Whit’s Whittlings inspired this blog after reading his, so please hop there and read his as a prerequisite to get the full effect.
I had studied the subject of love a while back but loved the refresher that Whit took the time to post for us.
I think it is important to exercise all fields of love, but in a stable fashion.
Many mingle their loves or develop their fantasies into love. If any of your loves out strength another then I believe unbalance can occur and you lose the ability to experience it the way it was intended.
Although it is dreamed about and pressed into our minds at an early age, there is no perfect relationship or love; it all takes work and understanding. We have moments in our love that everything seems perfect and we wish it could just remain in that feeling forever but life occurs.
The only way a relationship or love survives is that continual fuel of giving to each other.
My in-laws have been together for 60 years and he now has cancer. We see him fading, but he is accepting and they are preparing. To me they are the perfect relationship. I have had the joy of watching them look into each others eyes, observe their attentiveness to each other when the other speaks, see them meet each other's needs after all these years and still tease each other and tell on each other in funny little stories. This has given me a security to know love worth working for and nurturing is worth having. They even seem to be settled in the situation they have been given.
Yet, when I am alone with mom, she tells me that she is going to miss him with all her heart. She says, "He has been a good man, a good husband, a fun lover and a best friend."
They have done so much together but age and cancer is making them stop, otherwise they would continue as long as they could.
Dad is doing everything possible to secure the house, meet all the financial needs and check with us kids to help mom with things he can't do when he goes. In his pain, in between his medicines, and while he possibly can, he takes care of his wife. He says, "I am ready to go meet my maker, it is hard to get up every morning, but I know Lois is going to be sad and alone and that bothers me and keeps me going." I wish I knew them so much longer; they have much to teach me. But I have seen and witnessed and can honestly say, "Now that, that is true love."

I live by that title now. Let me explain.
See, terrible events are just that, they come like a fire and leave us clinging to anything that survives. Sometimes that something is just our very own soul.
When I left my ex it was not a fun event, things had escalated to a point where I was no longer safe. I packed 15 years of life in four laundry baskets and a box, whatever could fit in the car and ran for a safe house.
After I left, my ex was angry and burned and destroyed all that I left behind of my own. This was marital property according to the judge and since it was left in his care he owes me nothing.
I hate court.
He admitted to pulling a gun, rifle, on me and yet he never had it confiscated, the court was content to know that his brother had taken the guns for the time being. He, the judge, felt my ex was distraut over the fact our marriage was falling apart and it was a temporary breakdown. This according to a judge who never opened the 4 other police reports.
This story goes hard and deep and has left wide gashing scars upon my soul and spirit. No one should have to live this and go to court and find the judge thinks you are weak and need to get strength.

If he only knew how strong I had to be to wake every morning and endure his irrational behavior.
If he only knew how strong I had to be to lift my chin and try and demonstrate how to be an example.
If he only knew how strong I had to be to attend marriage counseling after forgiving my ex for his extreme behavior
If he only knew what strength it took to walk out the door.
The strength to turn my back on 15 years of really trying.
If he understood the strength it takes to become totally committed to trying to work out a wronged situation.
The strength it takes to finally realize that your world had emptied of all the value.
The strenth to take on things you once took for granted.
The strength to now try to start anew and teach your children (who had the rug ripped out from under them) that you need to choose wisely and no one should endure abuse. Never.

I lost my church family, they supported him and it is why he got joint custody. This stand lasted a year and then they since kicked him out of the church for the havoc he reeked. He lies to get his way and it is too bad people buy into it. But they don't believe in divorce, and I wasn't out to win them to my side. I felt like everything I once knew had been fiercely burned. I removed my membership and asked for their understanding, something of which they cannot give because they are ignorant to what God is really about. I know that now, not that I am closer to God then they are, but what I undrstand now is that God tells us not to Judge each other.
I temporarily lost my own family, because I went to a safe house for six months, I alienated everyone. I needed to, not only for my own safety, but I had to discover who I was, and how I got into a situation where I couldn't know when enough was enough. I needed to understand and to recognize what all forms of abuse is, to be able to see red flags and to not repeat any of this.
I lost my own identity. When the judge ordered that the girls be given to him for two weeks stretches I was devastated. He is not a doting father. He is not a loving father. He is not hideous, but he is not kind. I did 90 percent of their raising. He cares not for their safety. I can give demonstration after demonstration of this but this blog is not about that.
I lost my soul. I had dedicated myself as a wife, mom and friend. All that was gone. Stripped from me.
Divorce was an ugly word for me, it meant I failed.
I was digging around and found the poem I wrote when I finally had to accept things and make appropriate changes.
**
Til Death Do I Part

Cold winds of memory
flowing through hallowed halls
Whisking apart the soul
raking away the heart.

I fall upon my knees
Icey Fingers gripping me
as mine are laced in prayer
heavenly pleads for peace.

Prone I lay upon the granite slab
awaiting the gauntlet's ring
a carress instead, gentle words
Spring rain upon my cheeks.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I made it through, I found the ashes had cooled and I started searching and looking, quietly and carefully. I found gems!
These treasures did not leave me in the rage of the fire. They remained faithful and true. I can be thankful for the end event, because the ones I picked up and kept in my life are true, faithful and I am forever grateful for them. They believe in me.
One of these was Matthew. He never ran, he was my friend. When I couldn't talk to anyone for months he continually sent me cards and e mails, just caring about me. Letting me know that he was still there and was going no where, to just take the healing time I needed. Our friendship grew and blossomed to a few years down the road we married. It's origin is why it is so precious.
There are many other gems as well.
Not the abundance I once had, but truer ones, real gems. The ones that are purified from the fire.
My best Girl friend Gael, and my cousin and friend Julie, My parents, My Brothers, to name a few; and greater still I learned that God never turned his back on me. I had placed God in a religion, in a denomination, and God is not identified by that.

These are the gems I found when kicking ashes. I have learned from them, hold them dear to me and I am forever grateful for them.

This I had to share!!

My oldest is participating in a rock-a-thon this weekend. You sponsor the child to rock in a chair for an hour. This will cover some of their "musical play" needs. This is the phone conversation she had with my dad about getting sponsored, since I previously wrote a post about my dad I just knew you would all just love this.

Sarah: Hi Grand pa, I am calling because I am going to be in a rock-a-thon this weekend and am trying to get sponsors.

Dad: A What?

Sarah: A rock-a-thon, we do it all night and you pay for how many hours we complete.

Dad: You going to Dance all night to that music?

Sarah: No Grand pa, I am rocking in a chair all night without falling asleep.

Dad: And you want me to pay you to do that? Your Grand ma does that without getting a dime.

Sarah: Well, I have to do it without falling asleep.

Dad: Good Lord, You are a teen ager, that's not hard, I seen how many hours you can stay up and do nothing.

Sarah: *sighs* Okay Grand pa, Then you don't want to sponsor me?

Dad: If I am going to pay you, why don't you wash my car?

Sarah: Grand pa it is winter, and it's really cold outside.

Dad: I know, now that is earning money!

(at this point my mom asks who dad is talking to.)

Dad: (off phone but easily heard) Your Grand daughter wants to get paid for sitting around.

Sarah: *sighs again*

Dad: (mumble talk) Here's your Grand mom girl, she gives you money for existing, you are better off asking her.

Mom: Hey Baby, put us down for a dollar an hour.

Sarah: *takes a deep breath* Thanks Grand mom, tell Grand pa I love him.

Mom: *tells dad off phone* He loves you too honey as do I! Make sure you do good, I want to pay you for all night.

Sarah: Okay, Thanks. *hangs up and rolls her eyes as she sees my sheer joy of someone else having to deal with my dad.*
*~*~*~*
I so enjoy my dad!*laughs*

Here it is, as I promised.