~dedicated to the love of my life Matthew

Time has its way,
It is free from control
It steals youth and whisks away memories
Trying to pull us asunder
But our vows are timeless, we are safe here,
Within the shelter of our heart

People have a way of dehydrating
Of trying to drain us of all recourse
To release us to the desert
Their dust withering the throat
But they can’t get to us, we are safe here
Within the shelter of our heart

Stolen thoughts may occur
Evil trying to stealth its way
To compose a sinful dance
To mock and scorn our love
Yet the music here are ballads, we are safe here
Within the shelter of our heart

Long lonely nights slit through the blinds
Trying to saturate our restlessness
Wrapping us within the cocoon of despair
creating false shadows upon our faces
But we meet in our dreams, we are safe here
Within the shelter of our hearts

Slithering fornicators forced intentions
Slipping their venom in open wounds
Yet our devotion exposes their desires
Their eyes reflect their unfaithful lust
Love exposes all evil, we are safe here
Within the shelter of our hearts

Eternity could not be enough
To harm or create a gap
We are as one, melded and bonded
Our joy, love, peace and harmony
Contained in one vow, we are safe here
Within the shelter of our heart

Okay, this is too rich not to share!
It's amazing to me what kids see through their eyes. I have never enjoyed life more than seeing through their perspective, and what we deem important is not to them, and what they see as valuable has no redemption in worldy goods. I love their world and have gleaned stories and outlooks from them. We all should.

My parents have bowled and played horseshoe tournaments throughout my life and have won loads (we are talking far too many to show properly) of trophys which are displayed in layers in their shelving units.
When my oldest was little, we were visiting friends when the conversation led to traveling then spawned into where we would love to live if we had any choice in the world to choose from, the choices varied and we changed our minds several times throughout our thoughts.
My Sarah gal was about 5 then and she piped in that she would love to live at Grandma and Grandpa's house. Since my childhood home is a very nice but humble colonial, I assumed it was because my parents reside there and I voiced that aloud. She said that made a difference but what she really was thinking about was all the "Beautiful golden statues' that they have, referring to the trophys!

Now, my middle child today is thirteen, but when she was three we made a trip to Disney world. My parents visited shortly after our return and she climbed into my dad's lap.
Dad asked her what was her favorite thing at Disney. Her eyes grew wide and she sat up and looked straight at him. "Grampa it was the magic water in the potty!" To my delight, I realized that this was right at the time when sink sensors just came out and the water came forth from the sink on approach.

I now have to share with you the latest story, the one that spawned this whole post.
My littlest gal is on a school trip she earned with her classmates for graduating from the 6th grade. It entails a 3 day trip where they partake in a Mimi Cruise (Whale watch) off of the Boston shores.
She has a cell phone, an amigo, which can only call programed numbers. I said to her, give me a call when you have something fun to tell me. I didn't expect a call to soon since they had a very long grey hound bus ride to endure before they get there. But about 40 minutes into the trip I receive a phone call. She says excitedly, "Mom! It's so cool!" I ask what has earned this adjective and she says excitedly, "I went potty while the traveling down the road!"

I was never a typical girl. I never had the cliché of girls surrounding me, matter of fact for a short while I had three that I hung out with for general purposes but ended up ditching them for a group of guys.
Girls have too much maintenance, and if you one of the girls and can hang with the girls and be part of them; you were stronger than I am in that department.
There are many things girls do that I abhor. One is they hang in tight little circles, that's the closest to a huddle they get, they look out for there topics of discussions in these groups. If you happen to walk by within vision, you are a topic, simple as that. They talk about you from your shoes to your makeup or lack there of.
I never wore much makeup, never to school because that meant I had to roll out of bed early and my hair was always to the shoulder and straight, that didn't take much care, a good brushing, my wranglers, Nikes and t-shirt or sweatshirt and out the door I went.
My poor mother had two boys and me. I hated shopping, and when I do shop it is with direct motives, and oh, I hate malls.
My girls are a girly girl, which is my redemption to my mother. This pleases her so much and I truly owed her these 3 gals.
My oldest likes to bargain shop, mom buys everything with a sales story attached.

Mom: "I got this from Penny's, they originally wanted $78.00 and I got it for $14.99 plus my 10% discount and it came with a free makeup case for spending over so many dollars there. Isn't that great?"
Me: *eyes glazed over and looking at all the mall bags with a story to tell and hoping it goes quickly* yeah, great.

My middle child has her odd taste. She buys things I would not even consider should have a price tag for purchase but one that says, 'buy this and we will pay you'! They are gadget queens when they shop, they come home with items that will never be used but were absolutely needed. The jewelry they buy is odd looking.

Mom: Isn't that gorgeous. *pointing to a huge spiral thing hanging from my child's neck*
Me: Isn't that a knick Knack or perhaps a cooking whip?
Mom: *looking to my daughter and sighing that same sigh I heard growing up*

My smallest gal has a shoe fetish. She truly shops for her clothes by what shoes she has, not vise versa.
My mom has so many shoes; and even has a shoe club! They pay weekly and shop daily. I don't know what she will do with that many shoes; she even has different sneakers for different activities. She bowls with dad and I think she enjoys it because it has a different type of shoe to purchase.
I have a pair of Sandals for daily summer wear, flip-flops for the house chores and beach, a pair of sneakers, a dress pair of shoes, (black to match anything) and a regular pair of everyday wear.
Mom: Look at these shoes, aren't they great! Oh and they come in three different colors.
Me: *yawning* Yes, that's great, skittles come in rainbow colors too mom, want to get some of those too?
Mom: Aren't you getting any shoes?
Me: Looking at my feet, nope these seem to be working fine.

All 3 of my girls love to do the most ‘infamous mom thing’, yard sale shop! Ugh!

Mom: *holding up Christmas decorations in July* Look honey, wouldn’t this look great on the table?
Me: *whispering and groaning* Mom, doesn’t it make you wonder why they are getting rid of it? Maybe because it is tacky and ugly or they forgot to pack the darn thing and decided it was easier to sell it than to drag out a Christmas box and add it.
Mom: *looking at me like I am speaking a foreign language* You are like your dad.

This weekend had 6 12 and 13 year old girls over night for my youngest birthday. They had a Hawaiian theme party and they spent an hour doing hair and make up, they talked about boys and giggled about some poor teacher with a uni-brow. They spent another hour trying different nail polishes out and changed their clothes 9,000 times, seem they all packed several outfits for the one night and then tried them all out on each other, this created their own fashion show.
They paraded into my room one by one and I had to compliment and enjoy.
Girl: *giggling* Doesn’t this look great on me?
Me: *eyes glazed wondering how this can be fun, I hate trying on outfits that I am purchasing* yes, you look so beautiful.
Girl: *giggling more* I wonder what Brant would think if he saw me in this?
Me: *thinking poor boy, run and hide* He would think you are adorable.
Girl: *running from room screaming* Your mom says Brant thinks I look adorable!
Me: *whispering* Man, sorry Brant.

My brothers were highly popular jocks in school, I was a nerd and hung with guys that were trekkies and watched NFL. We got together and played loud music and poker. We cruised around and went to the movies and chilled in each other's house. We played flag football and went mudding. Life was good.
I owned 5-6 pair of wranglers, and a drawer full of t-shirts. I dated some when there was nothing else to do, if I weren't with the guys I was home reading or working. Girls were annoying, you never knew if they were mad at you or even why. I had girlfriends but realized they were better taken on one at a time. I once fell into a trap and went to a party where I became their fasion plate for the night, they plucked, dressed and styled me. When I was done they all looked quite proud and mom was excited.
Mom: “Wow, don’t you look beautiful!”
Me: *heading for the shower* “Uh, thanks. *grabbing a pair of jeans, t-shirt and pony tail* “Did the guys call when I was gone?”

Today I can say I am feminine. I get my hair and nails done (but not long, I am too busy to have long nails), I dress nicely and have a couple pieces of jewelry, but I prefer shopping on line for clothes and still hate malls. I love Football, thus the season ticket and still like the scientific, fantasy movies, along with book stores.
But hey, it’s all good. Mom takes the girls shopping and while I peruse the book store and coffee shop in my dress up shoes.

I have little trust in people now a days. It is from the jaded world I am now in attendance. I trust a tight circle around me, and I have tested the fires of this trust and along the way, the circle narrowed.
I watch with interest at the stage around me. People acting upon roles that they feel is necessary to play to exist and move ahead. They live fake lives and build false bridges, only so they can move ahead.
I experienced this the most when I joined a corporate world for a while but was not much of a 'mouse catcher.' That's what it is there. Everyone watches the other's step so when you screw up. WHAM they pounce you and display you to the boss to eat and they get the attention of the head cat, and the next time he needs a new leader, they hope that they come to focus.
I didn't fair well in this world, because I hate that I can't trust the person next to me. I am not going to fake my interest in someone to get noticed. I am surely not going to pretend you are a pal so I can earn a vote for promotion.
It wasn't that I wasn't considered a team member, and I was promoted 3 times in the short time I was there. In fact, I was never 'caught' as a mouse because I did my job right and I did it well. If I did err, I took it up with my boss, I never tried to hide or slip it. I certainly didn't trust anyone else to deliver such news.
I am grateful for my job now, where my coworkers have the same goal of working together for the good of the organization, not the service of self.
Today I received a phone call from a girlfriend of mine. Her daughter and mine are the same age and are good friends. She and I have hung out together many times when the girls have dance class to wait til it was time to take them home.
She wanted me to know that my ex, knowing she and I were friends, spent 30 minutes after a town meeting, bashing me within earshot to two other moms who didn't know me, and this disturbed her greatly. She apologized that she couldn't get a chance to break in and stick up for me.
I thanked her and told her that it doesn't bother me at all. This astonished her. I went on to explain that I know who I am and what I represent. It has taken me years to get my self confidence back. I also told her there are two things he can say about me.
The truth, and if that is what he is doing, I have nothing to hide. I have a good moral basis, I am defined in my nature and have no grand flaws or torn ethics, so any true faults on my part can only make me human. He can say that I refuse to talk to him anymore. I let everything come to me in voicemail and by letter, that way I can filter his ignorant remarks and save my self the aggravation.
The only other thing he can say are lies. Well, lies can't hurt me because if they have no foundation, the revelation will come and he will be the one left holding the falsehood. He can build any story he can and it may stick for a short while but the truth will push it's way to the surface and erode his very own reputation.
So, I told her, let the man whine. His voice will eventually fall on empty ears because my friends are few, but extremely trustworthy. He cannot penetrate them, for they know me.
I have told my own children, when he fills their head with poison, to just ask me outright, I will tell them the truth, I have no reason to hide. I control my anger and rarely lose patience, no I am not a saint but I certainly work hard to be level headed. My emotions are displayed easily on my features, even if they are quiet, you can see them in my eyes. They also know I only bring people I love and trust into their lives. No one else enters my home.
Because the girls and I have practiced this life style for years, they know they can trust me, they also know who they cannot trust. I can honestly say that is a good feeling, to be trusted.