7/07/07 Wow! thats all I have heard all day. Tons of couples are getting married along with many people flocking the casinos. The lottery lines are long too. I was trying to find a *lucky* song to play but the more I looked the stranger they got ha ha . The song I have for you tonite is by Bryan Duncan and its called *A Childs Love*.........oh how true the lyrics.....

I see the pages fall from the calendar
Like the leaves falling from the trees
Feel a chill in the fear of the future
As I weather this autumn breeze

I watch my red-haired inspiration
Playing games out on the lawn
Such an innocent joy of living
He's his father's only son

Don't let me live without a child's love
Like the love in this child of mine
Teach me, dear Lord, to have a love for you
A child's love

I let the changes in my season
Steal the passion from my heart
Like the roses fade in the winter
All the petals fall apart

Until a young voice gives my withered soul
A rejuvenating smile
And those small hands clasped around me
Erase the hardship for awhile

Don't let me live without a child's love
Like the love in this child of mine
Teach me again about a child's love
And sharing the best of my time,
Oh, and don't let me live without a child's love
Like the love in this child of mine
Teach me, dear Lord, to have a love for you
A child's love

Don't let me live without a child's love
Like the love in this child of mine
Teach me again about a child's love
And sharing the best of my time,
Oh, and don't let me live without a child's love
Like the love in this child of mine
Teach me, dear Lord, to have a love for you
A child's love
A child's love
A child's love
A child's love

Have a wonderful week everyone. Be safe and take care.
Matthew

Good evening everyone,
I hope y'all have had a great week.
Here is an oldie from the Hollies called
He Ain't Heavy...........I know he will never be here to read this but
I just have to say " I love you bro"......


The road is long
With many a winding turn
That leads us to who knows where
Who knows when
But I'm strong
Strong enough to carry him
He ain't heavy, he's my brother

So on we go
His welfare is of my concern
No burden is he to bear
We'll get there
For I know
He would not encumber me
He ain't heavy, he's my brother

If I'm laden at all
I'm laden with sadness
That everyone's heart
Isn't filled with the gladness
Of love for one another

It's a long, long road
From which there is no return
While we're on the way to there
Why not share
And the load
Doesn't weigh me down at all
He ain't heavy, he's my brother

He's my brother
He ain't heavy, he's my brother...

Have a great week all....
Matthew

I am taking some new steps.

Maybe this post will seem odd to you but I have kept my profile very low since my stay at the safe house 6 years ago.

When I moved into my own place I literally holed myself up there. I went to work and came home. I had no other social life other than my girls and my family. I avoided it like the plague.

I hated answering questions and explaining why I was in a safe house for so long. I hated trying to explain that I did nothing to destroy my previous marriage nor did I deserve half custody. I cried easily when the girls were gone and I did not want to feel arms around me, I wanted to feel the pain of missing them, it made them all the closer. I needed some alone time to re-evaluate and to heal.

It worked, but now I am stepping out again.

Maybe this seems like it should be no big deal to some, but it is for me. I joined Curves, which allows me to work out at either location I am residing at the moment,and sit among other women and exercise.
I did the weigh in and the body measurements, and am glad I am doing something about my condition. I never was this heavy but because I went from a very active life style to a desk job and seclusion, I neglected myself and gained. My metabolism is out of whack and I don't recognize the chubby little face that peeks at me when I look in the mirror, so I am getting off of my butt and doing something about it...and that means going out *points out the door* there.

Oh I shop, and go to the store, and see people, been doing that for a couple of years now, but in NY upper state, no one pays any mind to you and I skirt the times when many are out. I can chat and have friends and socialize with my family but this is different. I controlled the setting by having a schedule and no time to stop for long chats. But with this, Curves is different. Here I will be exercising as a group. I am sitting in a circle, admitting I have an issue and am going to talk with a lot of people I don't know, but who know me.

Crisfield is a small town and everyone is related or went to school with each other, Matthew included. I am the outsider,they all know and adore him, so they are curious about me. Even as I was signing up, women were calling to each other, "Hey, Have you met Matt's wife?" And unlike NY they all hug each other and call each other sweety, baby doll and honey. In NY if any one tried that they would turn you in for sexual harassment.

I am a bit nervous but am willing to step out in order to change the outer, and inner me.

So Anyways, I am ready, but the real question is, are they?!

Hi all it's me again for another saturday nite blog crawl. I found myself humming this today at work and thought I would share with everyone tonite. I was and am a big fan of the show Taxi and this is the theme song from it. It's by Bob James and it's called "Angela". I hope you enjoy.


For all you Taxi fans out there I leave you with this
"Nite Mr Walters"........."MmMmmmMmmnn"

Mom told me that she ran into a class mate of mine who asked how I was doing. She told mom how nice I always was and said she often wondered why she didn't become friends with me in school. She says she regrets that.

Twenty years down the road and I get a feed back like that. I thought it was a bit odd, but it made me feel genuinely good really. She was well liked in school, it also made me remember what it was like in school.

I was never popular. Ever. And that was just fine with me. I am sure there were times in my life I may have wished to be noticed more but looking back I can't recall when that time would have been.

It's funny because I still wouldn't have wanted it nor do I wish for it now. Besides just a handful of wonderful close friends make up for a crowd.

My brothers were both very popular in school. I was well liked but never really looped into a group. I had some that I hung out with and accepted me for who I was, which was very awesome but I never really sought their company, I just was assumed into their fold.

I had a couple of popular girlfriends, but I 'felt the ground' before spending time with them. They were moody and gossipy, not my bag.

Some of my friends were 'by proxy'. They wanted to get close to my brother, they were involved in the same school activities, or there parents were friends with mine.

There just wasn't a group that I felt totally loyal to or lost without. I dressed fashionably, was pretty current, wasn't overly shy and really didn't have any big character flaw which made people skirt me. Matter of fact, whoever I was with at the moment was fine for me. People didn't seek me out, but neither did I them. I found many of the highly popular rude and mean. It mattered not to them if they hurt someone's feelings, because losing someone to them meant nothing.

I stood up to bullies, and sometimes that meant getting knocked around a bit verbally or physically, but I did not let that one unfortunate person who they chose was beneath their standards think for one second no one cared.

There were two girls who were particularly mean. They ran the halls and made many of the unpopular duck and hide. They were popular from sports and from their cruel jokes. They didn't care who it was they steam rolled each day and though they never went after me to pick on, I received their blunt from standing up for someone who couldn't. I have had many of my class mates whisper"Why do you do that? It's not your problem." But yes, it really was. I don't know why it was my agenda, I didn't feel strong, nor was I a superhuman. My feelings got crushed often with their cruelty but I learned to push it down and keep on them until they let their jeers fall on me and away from the victim.

I was a bit geeky in my subjects and 'joys' of life and never apologized for them. I dated great guys and had a lot of good friends, but was not the first to be invited to a party. I craved more solitude than the norm, so I was good with the way things were.

My senior year Mrs. Thomas, our psychology teacher did an amazing thing. She asked the class of 30 to write on a index cards, something you like about each class mate and give it to them. I was so busy writing mine out that I didn't even think about my feedback. We had to take them home, read them and write a letter back to the class what you learned from the cards. I put mine into my pack and didn't think any more of them. When I got home I sprawled out on my bed, removed the cards and started to read them. I was shocked. Out of the 30 cards I received 27 of them stated something to the effect , "I love how you stand up to Vickie and Pam. I wish I was brave like that." The other three wished they had gotten to know me better.

It took me a long time to write my paper and finally all I did was thank them for their compliments. I told them I wasn't a hero and I wasn't being brave. I just could not stand to see someone bullied. Everyone clapped and I sat down.

Mrs. Thomas taught me that day why I wasn't popular. I knew I never would be and I was okay with it. To this day I have the cards tucked away in my memory box, it is important for me to remember it is Who I am and not What I am that makes good memories and a rich life.